Blonde Jokes
There are people who get offended by "blonde jokes" especially of course, blonde haired women. This is because blonde jokes are based on the stereotype that blondes are promiscuous and dumb, although we all know that this is not generally true.
But it must be said that blonde jokes can be very funny, just as long as you don't actually believe the jokes about blonde women. So just laugh at these blonde jokes without actually believing them! Enjoy!
Jokes:
"A dumb blonde and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they see a $100 note on the ground. Who picks it up?" ...
... "The dumb blonde, the smart blonde does not exist."
"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" ...
... "100! 1 to hold the lightbulb and 99 to move the house anti-clockwise."
"A blonde is driving down a countryside road when she sees another blonde in a rowboat trying to row her way through a field." ...
... "The blonde in the car yells out "it is blondes like you that give us a bad name and I would come over there and give you a piece of my mind if i could swim."
"Brunette: Have you met my identical twin sister yet?" ...
... "Blonde: No, what does she look like?"
"How can you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?" ...
... "there are m&m shells all over the kitchen floor."
"2 blondes are driving to Disneyland when they finally come to a sign that says "Disneyland Left"." ...
... "They both started crying and drove back home."
"What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair red?" ...
... "Artificial intelligence."
"How to you get a blonde to run laps?" ...
... "Put her in a large round room and tell her to stand in the corner."
"What is the first thing that a blonde always does in the morning?" ...
... "Goes home."
"Three blondes walk into a building." ...
... "You would think that one of them would have seen it, but sadly no."
"A blonde is standing on one side of the river when she sees another blonde on the other side. She yells out to her "How do you get to the other side of the river?"." ...
... "The other blonde responds "don't be so stupid, you are already on the other side"."
"I was at school when a blonde student asked me what letter comes after "X" in the alphabet. I replied "Y"." ...
... "She then got mad, called me a prick and said "because I need to know that is why"."
"A blonde was getting sick of all the blonde jokes that she was hearing at work so one night she decided to go home and learn all of the state capitals of the USA. She comes into work the next day and proudly claims, "us blondes are smarter than you realise, I know all of the state capitals, test me and I'll tell you the answer".
A fellow worker says, "ok, tell me what is the capital of Arizona?"" ...
... "The blonde replies "A"."
"What is the difference between a male blonde and a female blonde?" ...
... "The female blondes sperm count is higher."
"Two blondes are strolling through the woods when they come across some tracks.
Blonde #1: Awww how cute, these are deer tracks.
Blonde #2: No, don't be daft, these are moose tracks!
Blonde #1: No, my dad taught me about this, These are definitely deer tracks!" ...
... "They keep arguing with each other until they eventually get hit by a train."
"What do you call a blonde with 1 brain cell?
Gifted.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?" ...
... "Pregnant."
"Why did the blonde break both her legs when she was raking leaves?" ...
... "She fell out of the tree."
"Doctor: "How can I help you today?"
Blonde: "It hurts right here, OUCH" she says as she points to her shoulder.
Doctor: "Ok, Does it hurt elsewhere on you?"
Blonde: "It sure does, on my leg here, OUCH" she says as she points to her leg.
Doctor: "I see, does it hurt in any other places?"
Blonde: "Sure does. On my back right here, OUCH." she cries as she points to her back.
Doctor: "Are you actually a blonde that dyed her hair brown?"
Blonde: "Yes! How on earth did you know?" ...
... Doctor: "Well, you have actually got a broken finger."
"What do you get when you line up 5 blondes side by side?" ...
... "A wind tunnel."
"What did the blonde say when the doctor told her that she was pregnant?" ...
... "I hope it is mine."
"A Russian and an American are having a hot debate about who was the first on the moon.
Russian: "You know this Mr. American, we were the first ones in the outer space."
American: "No way buddy, it was us dang it! We were the first! America baby"
The Russian and American burst out laughing and eventually say to her "Sorry but you can't go to the sun, you would burn up and die" ...
... "Blonde: "Oh my gosh, we are not idiots. We plan on traveling at night time.""
"A blonde lady is driving down the highway at lightning speed in her new sports car when a traffic officer pulls her over. The traffic officer is also a blonde woman.
The blonde officer approaches the blonde lady's car and requests to see her drivers licence. The lady starts searching high and low for her licence and become extremely frustrated until finally she asks "what does the my licence look like?"
The blonde officer replies "it is a square which has a picture of you on it".
The blonde lady finally pulls out a compact mirror from her purse and hands it to the officer, "I think I found it" she says as she hands the mirror over." ...
... "The blonde officer takes a quick look at the mirror and replies "I'm ever so sorry, I didn't realise that you were a traffic officer too" and lets the lady go."
"What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?" ...
... "A Space Invader."
"How did the blonde die drinking milk?" ...
... "The cow fell on her."
"What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?" ...
... "Last year's hide and seek champ."
"Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?" ...
... "Because on the box it said From 2-4 years."
"Why did the blonde put lipstick on above her eyebrows?" ...
... "She was trying to make up her mind."
"There are eleven people hanging on a rope that comes down from an airplane. Ten of them are blonde and one is brunette.
They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech ending with the words "I'll get off"." ...
... "The blondes are all very moved by her speech and start clapping. Problem solved."
"What do blonde's and dog poo have in common?" ...
... "The older they get, the easier they are to pick up."
"Why was the blonde's belly button sore?" ...
... "Her boyfriend was blonde too."
"Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?" ...
... "She kept throwing away the W's."
"How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?" ...
... "Shine a flashlight in her ear."
"What do you give a blonde who has everything?" ...
... "Penicillin."
"What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?" ...
... "She sticks it in the microwave."
"A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked." ...
... "She stuck her head out and said: "yes, no, yes, no, yes..""
"How do you keep a blonde busy?" ...
... "Write "please flip over" on a piece of paper and give it to her."
"What is the best blonde secretary?" ...
... "One that never misses a period."
"There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead trapped on an island and the nearest land was 50 miles away. The redhead swam to land but only made it 15 miles then drowned. The brunette swam 24 miles and then drowned." ...
... "The blonde swam 25 miles but then got tired so swam back to the island."
"Why did the blonde keep doing backstroke?" ...
... "She had just eaten lunch and didn't want to swim on a full stomach."
"Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?" ...
... "She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe."
"Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don't know"" ...
... "Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!""
"What is five miles long and has an IQ of 40?" ...
... "A parade of blonde's."
"Why should you never give a blonde a coffee break?" ...
... "It takes far too long to retrain her."
"A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all lost in the desert. After walking along for a while they eventually found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was transported back home.
The brunette wished to be back at home with her family. Poof! She was magically transported back home." ...
... "The blonde then says "Aww, I wish my friends were here"."
"Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?" ...
... "They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"."
"To a blonde, what is long and hard?" ...
... "Grade 4."
"A blonde orders a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it into six, eight or twelve pieces." ...
... "The blonde replies "Six please. I could never eat twelve"."
"Why did the Blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?" ...
... "So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills."
"What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?" ...
... "Bigfoot has been sighted."
"What do you call a blonde who never showers?" ...
... "A dirty blonde."
"What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?" ...
... "Pull the pin and throw it back."
"Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?" ...
... "Because it said 'concentrate'."