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New Year Jokes


New Years is a time for great celebration. It' the beginning of a new chapter in the year of everyone. Parties, Parades, Gifts, Champagnes, Great Food, Warm Kisses, Hugs are just some of the great things about the New Year.

But new years is also a time for laughter and bringing a good mood to everyone. Here are a few New Years jokes to liven up the mood of anyone.

Enjoy the New Year!



Jokes:

What was the opening line of the spice rack’s New Year’s toast? ...

... “Cheers to the good thymes!”


What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve? ...

... “No thanks, I already have a date.”


What do kangaroos say to each other at midnight on Jan. 1? ...

... “Hoppy New Year!”


Why was the Hershey bar bummed on New Year’s Eve? ...

... It got stuck waiting for a midnight Kiss.


Why did the man stand on one leg at midnight on New Year’s? ...

... He wanted to start the year on the right foot.


Why is New Year’s a slice of bread’s least favorite holiday? ...

... It has to make a toast.


I don’t know why people flock to Times Square on New Year’s Eve. ...

... They always drop the ball.


My resolution was to read more, ...

... so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.


My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to ...

... “Auld Lang Syne.”


Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve ...

... —Dec. 31.


What compliment did the drink glass give to the champagne on New Year’s Eve? ...

... “You’re so bubbly!”


What did George Washington do in the days leading up to New Year’s? ...

... He made a New Year’s revolution.


Why was the telephone late for work on Jan. 1? ...

... It was busy ringing in the new year!


What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? ...

... It’s New Year’s, Eve.


I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, ...

... but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.


What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? ...

... The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew.


What is corn’s favorite holiday? ...

... New Ears Day!


What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? ...

... He got 12 months!


This New Year’s, I’ve resolved to lead a better life. ...

... Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.


What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve? ...

... I haven’t seen you for a year.


Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? ...

... To start off the New Year in a cool way.


Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? ...

... Times Square.


Knock, Knock...

... Who’s there?

Abby...

... Abby who?

Abby New Year!


This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: ...

... No dieting all year long.


What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution? ...

... 1080p.


What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve? ...

... Social security.


I see no need to make more New Year’s resolutions ...

... When the ones already on the books aren’t being enforced.


What did the ghost say on Jan. 1? ...

... Happy Boo Year!


An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. ...

... A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.


What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve? ...

... Hogs and kisses.


Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? ...

... Waiting for the punch line.


What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? ...

... Moo Year’s Eve.


What did the little champagne bottle call his father? ...

... Pop!


My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people ...

... Who ask me about my New Year’s resolution.


Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? ...

... To ring in the New Year.


My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time and money to charities. ...

... I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.


What do New Year’s Day parades have in common with Santa Claus? ...

... No one is awake to see either of them.


Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. ...

... Middle age is when you’re forced to.


What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? ...

... Chill out.


What is a New Year’s resolution? ...

... Something that goes in one year and out the other.


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