Elder Orphans: Growing Old Alone with No Family- 11 Things to Consider
An Elder Orphan is a mature age person who has no immediate family in their life. They have no parents, a partner, siblings, children or grandchildren. They may have family but they are mostly inaccessible to them.Are you an elder orphan or about to be one? Are you ready for a life growing old alone with no family? Sure, there are advantages to being alone like being able to do whatever you want without anyone stopping you.
As you become old, sickly and generally out of touch with technology, society and the rest of the world, you would need assistance from other people whether you like it or not. You should be ready to share your independence with some people as you become an elder orphan.
These are a few things you should consider as you become an elder orphan:
Note: These information were based on actually observing the senior care industry and talking to retirees whether still with a partner or alone.
11 Things to Consider as you become an Elder Orphan:
1. A Lot of People will End Up Alone2. Preparing Your Finances
3. Your Deteriorating Health
4. Preparing Your Legal and Financial Issues
5. Combating Isolation
6. Combating Loneliness
7. Abuse Prevention
8. Making Sure Your Home is Safe
9. Emergency Assistance
10. Having a Counselor or a Confidante
11. Should You Have Had A Family?
Final Words
The Details:
1. A Lot of People will End Up Alone
You might still have parents, a partner, siblings, children, grandchildren, relatives and friends. However, as you grow old these people in your life would start to disappear one by one until you are left largely alone by yourself.
This is because even your loved ones have a life of their own and can’t be with you all the time. In big way, old people from more traditional cultures have an advantage over old people living in industrialized western countries.
What I witnessed in a Highly Developed Country:
Having lived in a very developed country like Australia, I saw first hand how pure Australians are more likely to leave their parents and grandparents in nursing homes to be looked after by professional carers.
I have seen how mentally stressed old people in nursing homes are especially with their limited contact with society. Old people in nursing homes seldom see their loved ones and mainly have limited contact with nursing home attendants.
What I witnessed in a More Traditional Country:
This is quite different from more traditional cultures like in the country I’m currently living in which is the Philippines. In these countries, it is imbedded in the tradition that the children take care of their parents when they get old.
This usually doesn’t involve putting them in nursing homes, but rather, the children house their parents in their own homes while at the same time taking care of their own children.
In short, in many traditional cultures, a family unit is composed of parents, children, grandparents and even relatives and a domestic servant.
Domestic Servants Are a Big Plus in More Traditional Countries:
Since labor costs are way more cheaper in more traditional countries, old people and their families have the luxury of keeping in their employ domestic servants who would take care of not only their children but their elders as well in their old age.
This is way different from developed countries where the cost of labor is high and only the rich can afford a domestic servant. In developing countries, even middle income families and lower can afford domestic servants.
This is the reason why there are westerners who choose to live in developing countries in their old age. In these countries, their retirement and pension money goes a long, long way more.
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2. Preparing Your Finances
If you are a young single person, don’t wait until you are nearing old age to financially prepare for your old age. Otherwise, you might find it too late that you don’t have enough money to retire.
I have been watching many YouTube videos of how poor people are coping in their old age especially those who are alone. For example, you could try the YouTube keyword: “hong kong cardboard granny”.
These YouTube videos show very old women, some even in their 80s still collecting waste cardboard from the streets from dusk till midnight seven days a week.
Though they have children, their children won’t help them for various reasons. They maybe are still helping their grown children, or don’t want the help of their own children.
Whatever your situation is: single, married, with family, relatives and/or friends, you should prepare for the day when you cannot rely on anyone for financial assistance, even from your own family or government.
Many are finding out that their government pensions are not enough to support them in old age. I have seen old people in Australia, Japan, China, Philippines, US to name a few where they have to go back to work because their pensions were insufficient for their expenses.
If this is happening to countries with robust social security systems, then what about countries with poor social security systems?
Old people also have the disadvantage of being hired only for very menial and low paying jobs. Don’t let this happen to you, save every penny you’ve got while you’re still young so you can at least live in modest comfort in your old age.
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3. Your Deteriorating Health
As you get old, your health would deteriorate and you would get weak and sickly. More and more of your time and finances would be spent on keeping yourself healthy.
Being a middle aged person myself, I have experienced my health deteriorate fast when I hit my 40s. I now need to take medicine daily which is a big drain in my daily budget.
I also have had several hospitalizations which has cut deeply in my savings. But I consider myself lucky. There have been people who have been forced into million dollar debts just because of one hospitalization.
I could only imagine what my medical expenses would be like when I reach my 60s and beyond. You should have a financial savings plan where you budget a third or more of your daily budget for medical expenses.
Start keeping fit as early as you can and don’t wait until you become sickly before you do. What you spent on vices, luxuries and even entertainment now may be the money you need for hospitalization in your old age.
Keep your healthy habits for life. There are many men and women in their 80s and even 90s who still do ballet, bodybuilding, weightlifting, gardening and so on who are perfectly healthy.
Keeping physically active not only saves you on medical bills and keeps you healthy, but it also opens up social interactions for you. This staves off the feelings of isolation and loneliness.
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4. Preparing Your Legal and Financial Issues
Making sure your legal issues are in order might seem boring, but this is essential in your old age especially if you are living alone.
For example, if you are already receiving government pension and assistance, the government would do periodic checks just to see if you are still indeed alive and qualified to receive benefits.
You might also have investments and even businesses that you can’t fully handle because of your old age.
You might also have possessions like your homes of which you have to individually pay taxes on.
If you have insurance, how are you going to pay for it regularly? How about your bills like your bank cards and utility bills?
At this stage, you would need assistance from legal and financial professionals on how to streamline your legal and financial issues.
You might need to hire a trusted assistant who can handle these for you. But don’t delegate everything to your assistant, do your own audit from time to time as well.
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5. Combating Isolation
It is but natural for many old people especially those living by themselves to gradually withdraw themselves from society. This is especially true if you have a well lived life.
For example, there are old people who have already done so much traveling and partying all their life that these lost their excitement for them. They at their old age would rather stay at home all day and do nothing but relax.
But there are also old people who through their own fault or no fault of their own have become isolated with their family, friends and other people.
Also, old people don’t have the same health or will to go out to the world anymore. Many old people’s legs would be frail by this time that even the simple act of walking can be very tiring or even painful.
If you are one of these old people or about to become one, it pays to use technology to combat the feeling of isolation.
Social media have done a good job of keeping people in touch with each other even only through online. Join as many social media platforms as you can and stay active on online forums.
You can even play chess, other board games and even video games with people online. Though many blame the internet for its addictive and time wasting nature, it is good for people with a lot of idle time in their hands. This might apply to you.
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6. Combating Loneliness
When you are old and especially alone, you might regularly feel lonely. This is not a malady for alone and old people only, but is a malady that many people of all ages and social structure experience.
When you are old and alone, you might begin to wonder what is the purpose of your life or where has your life led you. You might also miss all the wonderful experiences of your youth.
But loneliness is the result of an idle mind. A busy person would hardly have the time to get lonely if they’re busy doing something.
The advice is for you to get busy. Get a job if you have to just to get yourself busy. Develop a hobby that would keep you busy for hours on end.
Socialize online. Social media and the internet in general is very efficient at making people lose their time for hours on end.
If your health permits you, do gardening and raise pets. Plants and animals might not talk back to you, but they make a good substitute for people who would bore and even irritate you with their talk.
Binge yourself on entertainment. There are plenty of television shows you could lose yourself for hours on a daily basis. You can binge watch movies on streaming services. You could master a video game and even brag about it.
No matter what you do, keep in mind that the world has a never ending supply of experiences and knowledge that you could try. Never lose your sense of wonder to combat loneliness.
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7. Abuse Prevention
As you grow old especially if you are alone, you become mentally and physically weak. The unfortunate thing about this is that there would be evil criminals who would use this opportunity to abuse you.
There are many stories of unfortunate old people in nursing homes who have been mentally, physically and even sexually abused by their handlers.
There are also scammers who use the relative naivety of old people to technology to steal from them using online scams.
Remember that most old people today in their 40s didn’t grow with a smartphone in their hand and an internet connection. This is the reason why billions of dollars every year are stolen from middle aged and old people by technology savvy scammers.
This is the reason why you should keep yourself aware of the latest scams going around and how they are perpetrated.
You should also have a trusted confidante that you could turn to in case you think someone is trying to scam you or are mentally, physically, and/or sexually abusing you.
Also, avoid walking on deserted streets where no one is likely to help you should a criminal engages you or you have a health emergency.
Many people even complete strangers would help an old person who is on their own if it looks like they need help. People do this usually in reverence to their parents or grandparents.
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8. Making Sure Your Home is Safe
As you become older, your health would continue to deteriorate. You might not be able to climb stairs anymore or even hold objects with a firm grip.
This is especially important if you are living alone and have no one to turn to in case you have an emergency. For example, a simple slip on the floor can become fatal if there is no one to assist you after a long time.
You should design your house in such a way that it becomes very accessible and safe to you. For example, if your legs are weak already, you can build a bedroom in the ground floor of your home and have a small toilet nearby.
You could also cover your floors with anti-slip matting and have hand rails in many of the walls of your house especially in your bathroom where the floor tends to be slippery.
Installing security cameras in your home and making the security images accessible to your smartphone is a good way of checking for intruders who might be out to abuse you because they know you are old and can’t really fight back.
Speaking of smartphones, make sure that it is always fully charged and have quick panic buttons where the phone numbers of your confidante, family, friends and even the police can be quickly called for their assistance.
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9. Emergency Assistance
At this point in your life where your health is a big issue, even a few minutes delay in assisting you can end up fatally.
Your smartphone is your most important tool so make sure that it is always charged and in working order in case you need it for an emergency.
The name of your confidante, family, friends, relatives, the police, hospital, fire brigade, handyman and just about anyone who could assist you should be in your smartphone.
If possible, have another method of telecommunications as well. An extra smartphone or even a landline would do nicely. You can never be too careful when you are old and alone.
But besides your smartphone, you should at least make an effort to know your neighbors. When push comes to shove during emergencies, it is usually your neighbors who are in the best position to assist you.
Ask yourself this question: “My neighbors don’t know me, but would they help me in case I need emergency assistance from them?”
This question must be enough to persuade you to get to know your neighbors better even if you live alone.
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10. Having a Counselor or a Confidante
At some point in your life, you would have met a couple of people who are good enough to be your confidante.
This is assuming you actually took the effort and time to groom them to become your confidante.
Your confidante could be anyone. They could be your partner, family, friend, relative a paid professional and so on.
The important thing is that you trust them enough to let them handle your affairs should you become unable to do this yourself.
You might be independent now and even for a long time after, but a reality in life is that no one can survive by themselves. People need other people to survive.
In the matter of health alone, you cannot survive unless you periodically confide in a doctor to cure you of your sickness.
There have been people who lived alone who have died months already but no one noticed because there was no one who checked up on them when they got sick or had an accident.
It is a sad way to die and one you must avoid. Make sure that there is someone who would check up on you if they don’t hear from you after a certain time.
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11. Should You Have Had A Family?
Maybe you’re still single and after reading this scary scenario, contemplated on the idea of having a family so that they would care for you when you grow old.
While generally true especially for more traditional countries, do take note that your own family might not take care of you when you grow old.
The reasons could be varied. Maybe your partner and/or your children might not have enough money to do it. Maybe your children’s own family might prevent them from taking care of you.
Maybe your relationship with your partner and/or children is so strained that they refuse to take care of you and much less even communicate with you.
There are even old people in their 80s and 90s who are still financially supporting their children without their children paying back their generosity.
The point is this: you have to entertain a scenario where you are old and alone and have to fend for yourself. At the extremes, this could really happen to you. At the very least, you would be ready for the worst that life can throw at you.
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Final Words
The number of single old people are growing. The Pew Research Center of America has reported that as of 1990, there have been a 29% increase in the number of single people ranging in age from 25 to 54.
In Hong Kong, 1/3 of all senior age persons are women with no family, relatives or friends who look after them.
As you can see the trend of people living alone with no family, relatives or friends taking care of them is growing. You might end up one in your old age thru your own fault or no fault of your own.
It pays to be ready by ensuring that your financial, legal and health issues are taken care of. You should live an active social life even if only thru online to stave off isolation and loneliness.
Groom assistants and confidantes as early as you can. They are a Must even if you plan to live independently in your old age.
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